anxiety attack

I started feeling sick at the beginning of the week, but i couldnt be sick because I was going to lost canyon for YL's leadership weekend. It got worse. mainly because i forgot what i could take, i vaguely remember only being able to take tylenol, vicks and humdifier, so wednesday night i start in with the remedy that does not really work so well for me. thursday morning i feel worse. i go to work because that is what henry girls do, we suck it up and show up.

on friday night i do the regimen again and at 3:30 in the morning i wake up from an intense dream where ryan and i steal some gold coins from the guy who does a lot of flips on "flip this house." i have no idea. the dreams get weird and vivid as the pregnancy progresses. so i wake up and try to snap out of the dream and all of a sudden I start to wonder if i have the swine flu. i sit up put the mac on my lap and start typing a way. and guess what? i have most of the symptoms, which by the way are symptoms for every other cold and flu in the world. Also they include nausea, body aches and fatigue which are all symptoms of you guessed it pregnancy, but i could not see this because it was 330 in the MORNING. so I do not sleep. at 4:30 henry wakes up because he can sense my anguish--ha. even though i know i cannot function, i guiltily call in to work. i hate doing this because it effects all my co-workers.

i am sad all day because I know that me and tricia cannot go to lost canyon, because swine flu or not--i am too sick to function properly. i finally call her crying and she laughs and sisterly says that she didnt want to go anyway. she takes the boys and drops me off at urgent care. i have no doctor, my new OB cannot help me or give me advice because they do not know me. WHY CANT KAISER PERMANENTE BE IN ARIZONA, SO I AM KNOWN.

so i go to urgent care and I am there from 3:15-8:15 hungry, thirsty, tired and sick. at about 5ish I walk up to the counter crying, because i am so frustrated and hungry and PREGNANT!!!! a lady gets me a couple of granola bars and i wipe my nose on their one ply tissue. tricia comes and stays with me soon after this.

i finally get into the room and wait a couple more hours for these things:

• an albuteral treatment that makes my heart race
• a pee sample--just in case I have a UTI and or something that could cause death
• an excrutiating swine flu test. horrible horrible test up your nose where nothing should EVER go. horrible. it was not the swine flu by the way
• checked my blood pressure
• said if my blood pressure did not go down I would have to go the ER BECAUSE I MIGHT HAVE A BLOOD CLOT

So what did I think about all night THAT I HAD A BLOOD CLOT! of course my blood pressure did not go down because as the night wore on i started to have a panic attack. we called liz to stay with henry, who i never thought i was going to see again, because I WAS OUT OF MY MIND! so i went to the ER, where of course I felt stupid, but I knew I was having a panic attack and i thought maybe they could give me some oxygen or a valium or permission to knock that UC doctor to next Tuesday.

AT the ER I received:

• a heart monitor
• an EKG
• the wonderful opportunity of having my blood drawn from my hand...really people?
• and a nice ER doctor who looked and listened to me and said, "you have bronchitis" and gave me some antibiotics and said, "you are very healthy"

thanks family for riding the panic attack. i love to give money to the health industry

so, there it is. the next time i go to the hospital will be in May sometime, good Lord willing and the creeks don't rise.